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On the 3rd day, of the 1st week, of the New Year...I lost 2 lbs. Kinda anti-climatic, don't ya think?!
At least I'm down 2 or there woulda been a killin on the 3rd day of the first week of the New Year. As much as I love that I can still "treat" myself on Weight Watchers, it is really hard to be patient with how slow the weight is coming off. On Brenda's diet I was down 10 in the first week (water weight, I know) but it made it soooo much easier to stay motivated. What can I say? I want my cake and eat it too.

Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here

I know this was taken from Dante's Inferno, but Weight Watchers would have bode well with it above their door tonight.

Kyla and I hooked up for what was supposed to be a 7:00 meeting and weigh in.

There was no 7:00 meeting; only a 5:30 meeting, which I am not able to make unless I'm willing to drag a 9 year old boy kicking and screaming into my fat meeting, which I'm not.

My weight was up, of course, as per my scale this morning...sucks *ss.

And they could not help me with the e-tools problem I was having because, get this...they don't have access to it in their stores...does that seem stupid to anyone other than myself?! Why the hell would they not be able to get online in order to help their customers. Major flaw of Weight Watcher's centers in my opinion.

So, basically it was freakin pointless for me to go. I didn't get inspiration from a meeting, old woman confirmed what I already knew by telling me I gained and I didn't get any closer to knowing why my e-tools wasn't cooperating...This is what I get for dieting with a smile yesterday.

I'm going back to being a surly dieter with a grudge against skinny people...

Strung Out on String Cheese

String cheese is a dieting fat girl's crack. I can't get enough of it, though I limit myself to 3 per day because I feel like I should.

I love everything about it...

It's chewiness.

It's stringy, saltiness.

It's ability to regenerate as I pull and pull becoming not two, but SIX or more pieces of cheese!

And it's only 1 pt. on Weight Watchers.

Has lots of protein (for portion size), low carbs and calories.

It. Is. AMAZING!!

*this is not a paid advertisement

WTF!?

I went UP half a effing pound!! What the hell is up with that?! I did everything right. I mean everything. Not in a Kyla (reference LYLASandCo.) I-did-everything-right sort of way. I know how to do diet, I know what's good and bad, what counts what doesnt...and I still went up!! I swear to God this is why fat people kill!

End Day 1

Day 1 of really trying again is coming to a close. I dieted like a Rock Star today!!...and I just made time to workout and did 3 miles of Walk Away the Pounds with Leslie Sansone. My legs are achy, my stomach is empty and I'm exhausted from having kids for 12 hours today, not to mention my own child who had homework and needed attention...I'm tired, but I feel really good. I'm proud of myself. Not only did I have a successful day where I didn't fall off the Sara Lee truck, I actually had a really good attitude about it the whole day. It's one thing to begrudgingly diet; it's quite another to do it with a smile...and I did. I also have 10 pts. left so after I finish this post I'm going to pour myself 4oz. of nondescript red wine and watch SVU and fall asleep dreaming of Christopher Meloni...mmm, Christopher Meloni....he's sounds better than food right now.

Day 1 (Officially) of Project Smaller *ss

Let's just say my weight is in the triple digits...; )Has been since I was, like...two. Well, not really, but it has been since I was in 8th grade. That's just it. That's why my adulthood in the last 12 years has been frustrating. I never had a weight problem until I started dating Aiden. Not that I blame him at all but that's when it really started. I went into the relationship at 141, 5'8 (is that right for ft. I always confuse the little marks for ft and inches. Anyway, if you think I was 5 inches tall, well then, who's the idiot?!) and here I sit at, well, not 141 lbs. As a child and teenager I was extremely active; opting for sports over girl scouts or other foofy girl stuff, until high school; then I poured myself into the Drama Club, Newspaper, Yearbook, Habitat for Humanity and my youth group so I never made time to eat which is why I was a 140 lbs the day I graduated from high school. I maintained that for almost two years before it started packing on. I was not an emotional eater. I am now. I don't really know when I became an emotional eater, or even why? This is something I have been trying to explore this recently. I'll let you know if I come up with anything.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is a new day. Today I was (trying) functioning on 2 hours of sleep. When I am that exhausted I can't eat for a good portion of the day due to my stomach and core feeling weak; by the time I can the rest of the day has sucked and I'm tired so I don't make good choices. I am fully aware of this and did it anyway. I also skipped my WW meeting tonight because I didn't want to drive with Frederick when I was this tired. It's not safe. So I nixed the diet today (didn't do as bad as I could have) and decided that tomorrow is a new day to start fresh after a good nights sleep. So I've taken my sleeping pill that I reserve for nights such as tonight and I'm ready to turn in. My goal for this week is still 7 lbs. I know I can do it and will!! Until tomorrow people....

Down 4

Down 4 but I was right back up to where I began from (almost!) It's been ugly. Trying to stay strong though!

2 Down...

...100 to go. Probably pretty accurate but not gonna happen. Ultimately I want to lose between 80 and 90 lbs. This would put me at the low end of the stupid Dr. charts of what I should weigh. That would give me some room to grow. : ) My goal for this year is 40 lbs. If I can lose 40 in one year then I can lose another 40 next year. I have started running with Penny (the Dog) again and though it isn't a pretty sight it is doing us both some good. I am really hoping to run the 5 mile St. Patrick's Day run and then go for a reuben and Smithwicks to celebrate.

Weight Watcher meeting tonight. I'm weighing in though it will be worse than last time due to holiday parties, but I'm not running from the scale. I will take it like a woman, own every last roll and jiggle and do better on the scale next week. My goal for this week is 7 lbs total since it is my first week and most of it is water weight. I will let you know how that goes. Thanks for reading.

Time for me to cry...

I know the REO song we love is "Time for me to Fly" but I've modified it to ,"Time for me to cry...Oh i've got to set my ass free, Time for me to cry...that's just how it's got to beeeee. though it hurts to say good-bye (to my skinnier jeans) it's time for me to cry (and buy the next size up),

I also will not say the GOD Awful number I saw on my scale this morning...but I will say I am more motivated today than I was yesterday!

I may be in fat clothes again, but not for long. Dammit, summer is a comin, and I want to be 40 pounds lighter so i've got my work cut out for me!

Suck Grapes...

Brenda!! As I sit here with a plate of grapes the size of my *ss I think to myself, "suck it, Brenda!" I can eat all the grapes I want on Weight Watchers unlike your stupid diet that helped me lose so much weight so quickly and I was the happiest with my body that I've ever been and now I'm so miserable and why did you abandon me...?! God in heaven, I need a life...and therapy.

My Scale...

...was crying this morning. I swear to God it made a "umph" noise like I knocked the wind out of it as I stepped on it this morning. The # is too insane to even report but let's just say that I've hit an all time high (low). That's okay. I knew it before I saw it and it's exactly the motivation I need to get my *ss into gear. I took a 30 min. walk with Penny (the dog) last night as a warning to my body of what's to come. I am actually looking forward to the pain brought on by working out. I've always sort of enjoyed it. It's a reminder of hard work and the pay off is wonderful. Here's to an excruciating week!!

Pizza Rolls...mmmm

Yum. and yuck. If I eat one more greasy bad thing I will puke. But i am going to power thru and eat as much as possible before 12 midnight. Because....then I am done. Back to dieting. I had to buy fat pants again today! I am so MAD at myself. Time to change...

Rolls

Note to self: Eating pizza rolls while researching workout videos, like Insanity, does not mean you are one step closer to a healthier, thinner you...