Thursday, December 9, 2010
So now I am lying to my dietician as I stuff the Reese's Christmas Trees down my throat. Sure, Sure I'm losing Brenda. (Uh, no I'm not) I continue to yo yo between 202 and 205. Never breaking the stupid number, but really not deserving to either. I am just tired of dieting. I am looking forward to Weight Watchers. I long for the day I can have a Turkey sandwich from subway and NOT gain 5 pounds! I'm not even asking for cheeseburgers people! Just turkey sandwiches! I hate being fat!
I hate food. I hate it because I love it. I hate that we need it. I haven't weighed myself because I know it may push me over the edge. I feel like it is kinda pointless right now because I'm not in a good place and it will only depress me further. I am getting a plan in place for after the holidays which include therapy, healthy eating, exercise and possibly Weight Watchers with friends. I am focusing on the fact that very soon I will be doing something about it. There is just so much going on right now (I know these are excuses) but I am trying to be realistic. I know myself and know that until things settle down I'm going to be too wrapped up in that to focus on myself. Sometimes it sucks caring more about other people than you do yourself.
Watch out Weight Watchers, here I come!! I haven't decided when I'm going going to start, but I'm contemplating on the next Tues. meeting with Carly. It might tip the scales (no pun intended) on my mood for Christmas. I've felt much better since yesterday and part of that mood change is deciding on a definite weight loss plan instead of continuing to do what isn't working. I want to be able to eat what I want on Christmas and New Years but I know I will feel better mentally if I am at least trying to be better when there isn't an event going on. I'll let you know what I decide.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
I am not reporting my weight right now because I am so ashamed, scared, depressed, miserable...you name it. I have actually gone looking for a therapist that specializes in food addiction and low self esteem. I have finally hit rock bottom and don't know where to turn. I need help. This blog, dieting, friends and family...it's just not working. I need to figure out why I turn to food in the first place. Please help!
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Yankee Girl Thank you for your comment! It is so nice to know others are fighting the same battle I am. Let's continue to keep each other motivated! I still am not below 200- but I will do it if it kills me! I am seriously considering weight watchers though. I have never been a fan of theirs, always said it doesn't work for me. But I think I am willing to give it another try. I am really tired of weighing more, or the same as my husband.